I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
