No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
