we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize