There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
