I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
