i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
