I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
