yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
