His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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