when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize