I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
