p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
