You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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