I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
false alarm. still invincible.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
