i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
