Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
