wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
