I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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