So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Randomize
