thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
