I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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