I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize