Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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