I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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