I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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