OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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