I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
