Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
