Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
