Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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