allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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