dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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