he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize