NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
