Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
