two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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