Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You smell like stripper and shame
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
