My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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