There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
home. puking in laundry basket.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
