For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
