I heard we made out
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im six kinds of drunk right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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