So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
