I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
