Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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