vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sarcasm needs its own font
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need Xanax blowdarts
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
