I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
