She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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