I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize