Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
