i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
