I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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