I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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