I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can text with my tongue
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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