girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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