I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
