So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
