Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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