I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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