he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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