Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
