Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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